tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2009-11-06:/MokoFeed2009-11-06T05:43:29+01:00tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-02-14:/2008/02/14/he_s_gone_too_far~3727402/Not-Herneschase2008-02-14T16:40:49+01:002008-02-14T16:42:01+01:00 <p>It is very hard to type one-handed with an overly-affectionate cat draped over your shoulder (the three of them have decided to shadow my every move in case I decide to leave them again). It's 4am and the Jet-lag has poked me awake. I need to do something quiet so that I don't waken the rest of the household.</p> <p>It is a wierd feeling being back here. I'm not exactly over-joyed to be 'home' but the animals are here and the other 4 members of the 'Not' family seem very much at home here. I have never felt homesick per se but the void that my separation from Hingerland has left in my life is tangible and I never wake up as relaxed and happy here as I do when I am back in the Mother Country.</p> <p>Imagine my surprise when trawling through my quick fix of The Guardian and Independent one Sunday during our visit home to find that someone had written a book actually saying something negative about Kiwiland <img src="/img/smilies/graybigeek.gif" alt="88|" class="middle" border="0"> Hadn't he heard of Kiri Te Kanawa, the All Blacks and those lovely big flat-footed kiwi? Hadn't he seen all those handsome young men with the polished faces in Earls Court? Well undoubtedly <em>this</em> author HAD seen the polished-faces, and some other bits as well as, although predatory may be a slightly harsh word for him, he certainly appears to enjoy his Gaydom <img src="/img/smilies/grayyes.gif" alt=":yes:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Anyway. I quickly tore out the review of the book and made a note to keep an eye out at Heathrow, where of course I couldn't find the review, forgot the author's name and generally failed at my task!</p> <p>Imagine my surprise when I got into our local supermarket to re-stock on bread, milk etc in my groggy jet-lagged state to find his notoriety had reached these shores. Usually negativity about Kiwiland is shrouded in denial with a quick sweeping under the carpet but this time it was in magazines and had been covered by National Radio. What had he said? I bought the magazine and then ... my own step to far ... I tried to buy his book.</p> <p>Not in the first shop, nor the second so I resorted to the best bookshop in the area. Couldn't see it there either and when I asked at the till they glowered at me and eventually swiped a copy from a tiny, cleverly obscured shelf behind the counter <img src="/img/smilies/icon_confused.gif" alt=":-/" class="middle" border="0"> "a charming man" spat the assistant. ".. determined to say negative things before he even came here".<br> "Aww yis" I replied trying to disguise my vaguely Estuary accent <img src="/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" class="middle" border="0"><br> (I am getting quite good at hiding my birthright in situations where being a pom wouldnt be a good thing.)</p> <p>So here I am with my little time bomb in my hand "Going as Far as I Can" by Duncan Fallowell. So far (with the possible exceptions of the expressions of gay lust) it could be me writing it. Where is the architecture? Why did they flatten it and build mini-US cities? Why does a yearly screening of Dancing With the Stars serve as "Culcha" for the masses?</p> <p>This could go one of two ways for Mr Fallowell. It could make him shed-loads of filthy lucre, or he could sell not a jot here due to their fierce National Pride. Let's hope it is the former as I rather like his writing. .... Come on guys at least he liked Christchurch <img src="/img/smilies/graydead.gif" alt="XX(" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/02/14/he_s_gone_too_far~3727402/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-02-13:/2008/02/13/the_alton_towers_of_life~3720496/Not-Herneschase2008-02-13T09:39:52+01:002008-02-13T10:03:04+01:00 <p>Blimey what a roller coaster the past 10 days have been. The mixed emotions. The excitement going 'home' and of seeing mates and remaining family for the first time in nearly 3 years, together with the heartbreak of Grandma Not's death and the obvious strains that this puts upon a family of 4 siblings who have lost both parents to lung cancer in 11 months.</p> <p>The first thing I did was to zoom up to see 'my lot' in Leyland for the weekend with the children. We did all the things I used to do as a child when with my cousins. We walked, ate, climbed a climbing wall, walked some more and then toddled back down South for the beginning of the sad part of the trip.</p> <p>Not being a Catholic the Vigil when Grandma Not comes to stay at the church overnight was quite a nice personal bit of the funeral process. My sister in laws were both very upset which worried my kids who have never seen a sobbing adult before. The priest was fantastic. Young(ish) and totally human which for me was a first. He had made friends with Grandma Not since her husband's death last year and really knew how she ticked and what made her laugh. As a result the service was great. He even read a Joyce Grenfell passage at the beginning which would have pleased even my Mum!</p> <p>The wake was just great. A proper party in a 16th Century hotel with loads of booze and grub, all the cousins, etc and everyone having a lovely time. She (who loved a good party) would have really enjoyed herself.</p> <p>Then the trouble started. The sisters couldn't understand that Mr Not wasn't throwing himself on the grave weeping. The boys had done the sadness behind closed doors with their respective wives and as a result when 'older brother Not' told Mr Not to take the Grandfather clock or it would be given away to a scrap merchant he ordered a crate to take all the bookshelves and a few personal items to NZ.</p> <p>Mr Not and I have seen what a House Clearance man can do to one's parents 'stuff'. I stood in a High Wycombe street 5 years' ago watching someone smash up my mothers' life with a sledge hammer outside a storage unit. I paid £350 for this honour and it broke my heart.</p> <p>Mrs Not is a whole different ball game. She was a hoarder with a love of books and sewing material which she continued to buy right until the end <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"> As a result the job in hand is immense. So when Mr Not with 5 days to go before we caught a plane home, got down to moving all the books out of the house into the garage for a dealer and discussed putting unwanted things aside for shipping to NZ, he was labelled heartless with obvious consequences. It all culminated with a massive screaming match between Big Sister and Mr Not in front of all our children and with me telling Big Sister Not a few home truths (she's a bit of a tyrant) <img src="/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>We were glad to be out of it but I wasn't glad to come home.<br> I had forgotton how much I love my real home and spent many a tearful moment outside Terminal 3 of Heathrow on Monday morning just people watching. People from every walk of life march past on their travels to work or on their holidays. London in the frost has a very distinctive smell. Viva cosmolitanism.</p> <p>Well it's back to reality now. Uniform to name and sandwiches to make. 2 months of having the children around me is at an end. I always find this time of year very sad, wherever I reside. Giving my children away to teachers for 8 months or so of the year is not good.</p> <p>Well I'm back ... and thank you England and Grandma Not for a great trip. I will miss them. Until the next time. I've already started saving <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/02/13/the_alton_towers_of_life~3720496/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-02-07:/2008/02/07/romany~3691773/Not-Herneschase2008-02-07T09:21:57+01:002008-02-07T09:21:57+01:00 <p>Today I found three books belonging to Grandma Not (only 3 I hear you splutter) and introduced the next generation to ‘Romany’. ‘Out With Romany’, ‘Out with Romany Again’ and ‘Out with Romany by Moor and Dale’, were part of Grandma Not’s branch arm of the British Library! </p> <p>It all came flooding back to me. I remember my Mum used to read to me from ‘Romany and Raq’ when I was little.</p> <p>Romany’s real name was The Rev George Bramwell Evens. He was the son of a true Romany mother and he became Children’s Hour sort of wildlife correspondent in the 30s and 40s. My Mum had loved listening to him and probably gleaned a smattering of her endless knowledge of wildlife and the hedgerows from sitting listening to him on their crackly old radio in Hinksay Road.</p> <p>When I was a little girl on trips to visit my family in Cheshire, Mum and my Auntie used to take me to see his Vado (a lovely old green gypsy caravan parked in the middle of Wilmslow). I can vividly recall peering through the window imagining all the adventures I could have, if only it was mine. Secretly all I really wanted was his spaniel Raq, who by then must have been long gone! </p> <p>Apparently you don’t have to peer through the window any more as the Vado is open every now and then for viewing. That probably takes away some of the mystique! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/02/07/romany~3691773/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-02-07:/2008/02/07/eureka~3691412/Not-Herneschase2008-02-07T07:16:27+01:002008-02-07T07:16:27+01:00 <p>A little bit of ingenuity - those Kiwis are not the only ones with ingenuity you know - and I found a way of creating another password!<br> You don't get rid that easily you know <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Arrived in lovely old, smelly old, dirty old Heathrow on Friday morning and within two hours were passing the junction for our old home. The kids all wanted to drive past our house to check out any alterations/demolition that may have occurred since. Oh and then there was the obligitory visit to the pub for a warm flat ale <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"> Well it was lunchtime!</p> <p>I popped up to see all 'my lot' (not that there are many of us any more) for the weekend with the children and we climbed and walked to our hearts content. Edmund Hilary's family need worry no more. New Zealand now has another avid climber. Our JT has discovered he's a monkey and has spent the remainder of our trip searching for climbing shooes<br> ... and for the record dearest Cuz, fused vertebrae and climbing <em>'the purple ones</em>' on a climbing wall DO NOT mix!</p> <p>The funeral was on Tuesday and I hope Grandma Not would have been proud. It was a lovely do and the first funeral I have ever been to when the faith seemed to make sense. Grandma Not was a staunch Catholic and not just someone who donned a hat weekly and notched up loyalty points with the great Service Provider in the Sky. She really did believe that whatever happened 'He' was keeping an eye on her. Do you know what, I really think he did too.</p> <p>Now the long haul has started. Anyone want a book or six thousand <img src="/img/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif" alt=":roll:" class="middle" border="0"> <img src="/img/smilies/grayconfused.gif" alt=":??:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p>I like a good book <img src="/img/smilies/grayyes.gif" alt=":yes:" class="middle" border="0"> in fact I tend to adopt books just so that I am sure that they will go to a loving home <img src="/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" class="middle" border="0"> but I do try to exercise discretion! Grandma Not, however, owns every diet book (and ironically cookery book!), gardening book, sewing book, travel guide (etc, etc!) ever written. Yesterday we formed a human chain of all the children and started the migration of the books from the attic room down to the garage. Ok, so a few found themselves into a little pink plastic box for me but not very many. Honest <img src="/img/smilies/graybigrazz.gif" alt=":P" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p>Off to see 'Nana and Ditz Herneschase' today. They probably won't know a thing about it as they (my parents) have been pushing up daisies for many a moon now. The children are going armed with pot plants and trowels, intent on giving them a Spring-clean. Our now rare visits to my parents' grave usually ends up as a bit of a 'jolly' as they have a wonderful view of the Buckinghamshire countryside and the kids love it there.</p> <p>Home on Monday morning and LC and I will be big and brave about it. When asked by one of my rellies this week where home was for her, LC said this and I think it just about sums up the situation.<br> "This is home but New Zealand is where I live"</p> <p>I may not blog again until I reach Kiwiland but thank you for being lovely and making my trip home so painless, all you inhabitants of the Motherland <img src="/img/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":>>" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/02/07/eureka~3691412/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-28:/2008/01/28/are_you_our_great_leader~3643370/Not-Herneschase2008-01-28T11:25:58+01:002008-01-28T11:26:58+01:00 <p>When leaping out to get some cash to pay the farrier this morning I switched on National Radio. A Lovely plummy Hingerlish lady - a (quote) "filmaker from London" was pleading for a Gordon Brown Looky-Likeys to e-mail her.</p> <p>They have apparently scoured England and Scotland for someone with "brooding looks" and a "Heathcliffe quality" but can't quite match him. They have searched "butcher's shops, dairy farms, and lots of places where people who eat well might be" WHAT? <img src="/img/smilies/icon_eek.gif" alt="8|" class="middle" border="0"> The Motherland is being run by an over-indulgent Heathcliffe character who hangs about in Butcher shops and Dairy Farms? </p> <p>They apparently went to Glasgow but due to a "bad case of rickets" the inhabitants were all too small. Is this a recent epidemic of rickets? Or are we referring to a particularly virulent episode in the 1800's which has affected the entire population for generations? I am surprised Celtic or Rangers ever manage to win a game with such a heritage <img src="/img/smilies/graylaugh.gif" alt=":))" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p>Well, our plummy friend went on to say that she has even extended their search as far as Fife (so that's the whole of Scotland covered then <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"> ) but to no avail and they are wondering whether he has Russian blood. Presumably all other Celtic communities have been excluded - We're just sticking to Scotland and Russia then eh?</p> <p>Anybody from Kiwiland who feels that they resemble our esteemed leader (for we are renowned for our vast Russian ghettos) is asked to contact said film-maker immediately. </p> <p>Damn! I wish I had known. There was a massive Scottish Heritage stand at the Agricultural Show yesterday I could have recruited for her and, just to save time, I would have weeded out the ricket-ridden Glaswegians for no extra charge <img src="/img/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif" alt=":roll:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>These are very obviously desperate times <img src="/img/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" alt=":crazy:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/28/are_you_our_great_leader~3643370/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-27:/2008/01/28/title~3642055/Not-Herneschase2008-01-28T00:50:22+01:002008-01-28T11:27:48+01:00 <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/media/photo/grandma_not_in_nz/2305925" title="Grandma Not in NZ"><img src="http://data3.blog.de/media/925/2305925_b7cd159ecc_s.jpg" alt="Grandma Not in NZ" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a></p> <p><strong>"RIP Grandma Not"</strong></p> <p>Wot a day yesterday was.</p> <p>We were just leaving for Mog’s big day with her calves and Mr Not decided to ring Grandma Not. Poor love rang just as his Mum died. Luckily, peacefully and at home and this was how she, and the rest of us wanted it. </p> <p>Isn’t it strange the way things like that happen? Both LC and I woke up 5 minutes before the phone rang me to tell me my Mum had died. I am sure we are all tuned in to those we love.</p> <p>Mr Not astounded me. He had a quiet few minutes and then just upped and loaded the horsebox with the two calves and got on with the day for Mog. It probably helped that the last thing Grandma said to Mog on Friday was “go and enjoy yourself and take loads of photos for me”. So that is what we did ... for her!</p> <p>Mog and her calf won First in her Class and First in her Section and LC (thank goodness or we would never have heard the last of it) won Second in Class and Second in Section! LC then went on to get 4th place in Youth Handler out of about 25 children. They did it for Grandma Not!</p> <p>So back to reality. Usky has decided to have a break from his recouperation and is coming over to bloh-farm-sit. Daisy-cow is off to meet her new boyfriend today (I am taking a step-ladder as Daisy being half-Angus isn’t exactly petite and her little Dexter boyfriend is tiny!). We will all need earplugs as her baby, Alfie (Garnet) will be distraught with no milk to comfort him!</p> <p>Then funeral to organise on (your) Monday, flights to book and we will be in the Motherland by next week. The problem seems to be the return flight as everyone seems to be coming home from their travels to start the new University and School term.</p> <p>I am feeling quite nervous. I have looked forward to coming home for so long. I think I am now worried that the reality won’t live up to the memory. Mr Not is so disparaging about 'Hingerland'; the crime, the dirt etc, etc and always says how much he hates the hustle and bustle when he goes home. It has made me think that absinthe has made the heart grow fonder. The kids are just looking foward to the family reunion. I think that is a healthy way to look at a funeral. A celebration of life and of family.</p> <p>Be on your best behaviour will you? No nasty murders, no major political upheavals ... just for me <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/28/title~3642055/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-25:/2008/01/25/it_s_all_going_horribly_pete~3632505/Not-Herneschase2008-01-25T20:27:06+01:002008-01-25T20:27:06+01:00 <p>The wretched satellite is working to rule today and has been for 24 hours. It has taken me half an hour to download the BCUK site and it is reluctant even to let me write my blog (perhaps the satellite is bored with my inane waffling ) As a result I am probably not going to be able to read anyone else’s blog tonight unless I stay up until at least 4am but I will try and catch up at some stage tomorrow.</p> <p>So, today? Well, things took a turn for the worse for ‘Grandma Not’ back in the Motherland. We had just put the telephone down this morning from one of our regular phone calls when I received an email from Brother-in-Law Not, asking us to phone him. It transpires that Grandma has been told by her Doctor that she has days, rather than weeks left to live. A horrible thing to hear when you are completely compos-mentis and it is just your body that is giving up on you.</p> <p>It has become a game of Chinese whispers. In the same In-box, we also received an email from Sister-in-Law Not to say that the two sisters are arranging a care rota and asking whether Mr Not can be involved. She is then obviously of the opinion that Grandma has a great deal more stamina (or is hoping that she does). </p> <p>It is at times like this that I thank my lucky stars I was an only-child! No bickering or in-fighting disguised under the wide-brimmed hat and dark glasses of “concern”. It was just me, my Mum and a couple of knackered Junior Doctors!</p> <p>So looks like I may be blogging from the Motherland in the very near future. My cousin has offered to kidnap me so that I don’t have to come back. I actually quite like the idea of spending the rest of my life holed-up in Lancashire with my Cousin and the advantage is that she would be quite happy to kidnap the children too as part of the deal!</p> <p>The headache now is how to get everything sorted out here. Animals who need Zinc capsules so that they don’t develop facial eczema whilst we are away, a Farrier to shoe the horses before we go, a horse sitter for the pony who gets laminitis at the drop of a hat, a farm-sitter, a rabbit sitter, a chicken sitter. In fact lots of people with very flat bottoms.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/25/it_s_all_going_horribly_pete~3632505/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-23:/2008/01/23/police_officer_na_give_me_producer~3622240/Not-Herneschase2008-01-23T20:19:33+01:002008-01-23T20:19:33+01:00 <p>I have just discovered, quite by accident, the website<br> <a href="http://www.lapdauthors.com">http://www.lapdauthors.com</a></p> <p>Why, oh why? What do they write about? Perhaps I should investigate. Unfortunately I can’t tell you any more cos I never got past the “Police Gifts” pages!!!</p> <p>So this is what a US Police Office does on his day off! Obviously, they're not content with a day of donut-eating and chasing bad guys (or did I watch too much Strapsky and Crutch as a child?). They come home after a hard day's crime-fighting to play with their miniature police officer models, toy police cars (my favourite being the "Erector" remote-controlled police car) and their wives dressed in the Officer Naughty WPC outfit!!!</p> <p>My personal favourite was listed amongst the Police Clothing Gifts – the black T shirt printed on both sides with the words “Psyche Ward” <img src="/img/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" alt=":crazy:" class="middle" border="0"> Nuff said!</p> <p>PS: who was policing the Police demo' in London today? Good luck boys you'll need if you are trying to squeeze money out of old Gordon! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/23/police_officer_na_give_me_producer~3622240/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-23:/2008/01/23/weeds_and_seeds~3618824/Not-Herneschase2008-01-23T07:43:38+01:002008-01-23T07:43:38+01:00 <p>So tell me. What posessed the Scots to choose a thistle as their National emblem? Yes, it is quite a pretty colour, yes it is relatively regal looking but I tend to think this is because I was conditioned to think of a thistle as Regal... until today.</p> <p>You have heard me rattle on about my ragwort and the continued battle therewith. It is certainly a smaller crop this year than it was last but the thistle <img src="/img/smilies/icon_eek.gif" alt="8|" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p>Our predecessor was obviously either blind or an enthusiastic collector of weeds</p> <p> ... Oops sorry I am not supposed to call them weeds anymore. We in Kiwiland call them 'Plant Pests' <img src="/img/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" alt=":crazy:" class="middle" border="0"> I know that cos I did a course and they told me! By calling them plant pests they can eradicate lovely edible pretty old nasturtiums, those pretty feathery pampas grass that people in Surrey grow in their front gardens and the scary, nasty threatening blackberry bush, amongst others!</p> <p>Any road up, back to my thistle <img src="/img/smilies/grayyes.gif" alt=":yes:" class="middle" border="0"> Today I pulled out an entire trailer of the stuff. Not just your common or garden Thistle! I have every variety! George Bush's favourite; the Californian Thistle, the Nodding variety, Scots thistle (which they often irritatingly called "Scotch Thistle" over here and Plumeless ones too. I have arms like a pin-cushion and a lovely builder's bottom type red burnt stripe between my shorts and my T-shirt. My Goblin I'm attractive!</p> <p>Now I was told confidently that goats would eat the thistle! Yeah right! I have the most spoiled goats in the World. Billy Muggins finally decided today that if I was 'eating' it then it might be worth a try but the silly object nibbled the flowers and then spat them out on the field to re-seed and went back to chewing Honey-horse's tail (they are in the throws of a tempestuous love affair. Anyone want a Hoat?) </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/23/weeds_and_seeds~3618824/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-22:/2008/01/22/foot_rot_and_water_on_what_brain_i_have_~3616908/Not-Herneschase2008-01-22T20:17:07+01:002008-01-22T20:19:12+01:00 <p>... and still it comes. Rain, rain, rainity-rain! But at least the grass is the right colour again and it is visibly growing so who am I to moan. Oh yeah I am hingerlish and genetically programmed to moan about the weather <img src="/img/smilies/graylaugh.gif" alt=":))" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Today is an intense one. We have to continue the training of the poor beleaguered calves for Sunday's Agricultural Show. During the first three days we had progressed from mule-like to not quite so mule-like so the children were becoming quite dis-heartened. Yesterday morning one of them - Gracey - had gone on complete work to rule. Time for a change of tactics <img src="/img/smilies/icon_idea.gif" alt=":idea:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Yesterday afternoon I spent 2 hours sitting on the floor of a stable looking at my feet. It worked. They came up to me and had a lick of my wellies. Then I brought the 'Not Girls' in and they sat quietly too which was quite an effort for my girls <img src="/img/smilies/graylaugh.gif" alt=":))" class="middle" border="0"> (another half an hour) The next stage was to put lead reins on them and sit quietly (another half an hour) and then the big move outside into the yard for 'walking up and down' training!</p> <p>By 5pm we had them both able to walk independently without 'Gracey calf' performing her big Rodeo leaps and pulling Mog or I across the yard.</p> <p>We did, of course, adopt an quite controversial training method into our regime. "The Labrador Cow" technique©! Never heard of it Lindow? Well it's like this:</p> <p><strong>Step One</strong>: Cuddle your black Labrador who apparently does a passable impression of a baby Dexter! </p> <p><strong>Step Two</strong>: Put him on a lead and walk him up and down. </p> <p><strong>Step Three</strong>: Lead the Dexters up and down behind him (calling the Labrador a 'good cow' throughout the process is an optional extra!). </p> <p><strong>Step Four:</strong> Tie one of the calves to the fence and just perform the exercise with the Labrador and one heifer. </p> <p><strong>Step Five</strong>: Alternate heifers </p> <p><strong>Step Six</strong>: Send Labrador home for his tea and work with the heifers on their own. Works like a dream.</p> <p>So today, I am under no illusion that we will have to start all over again from the beginning. I hope Gus is up to another day as a Labrador-Cow <img src="/img/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" alt=":crazy:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>But first to pursuade three children to eat yet MORE scrambled eggs! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/22/foot_rot_and_water_on_what_brain_i_have_~3616908/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-22:/2008/01/22/marital_bliss_vv_peace_in_palestine~3614104/Not-Herneschase2008-01-22T10:55:49+01:002008-01-22T10:55:49+01:00 <p>I'm all exhausted after a big old debate with Mr Not 'bout Palestine and the current deterioration therein. </p> <p>To set the scene. Mr Not is a very apolitical soul, which always induces a seething frustration from his wife who gets hot under the collar and jumps up and down waving her 'tiny' fist at most political situations be they local governmental or larger debates played out on the World stage. (I personally blame my Leftism on my maternal Grandma's constant declaration of her love for Anthony Wedgewood Benn when I was a toddler!)</p> <p>Oops sorry! So to draw myself kicking and screaming back to the point in hand. Today I awoke to my usual half-an-hour of Sky News before day-to-day chaos ensues to find that the fuel blockade to Palestine was reaching fever pitch and gas, food, UN aid etc etc weren't getting through causing total devastation in the Gaza Strip. The worst situation in 7½ years and all very scary.</p> <p>My reaction to news items such as these is to hit the internet at some stage during the day to try and read more around the subject. My usual source of information regarding Palestine is usually Gilad Atzmon's website (great Jazz musician and Israeli Jew, 15 days my junior, with more first-hand experience of what the Middle East Peace Process means day to day than anyone I have ever heard speak). Next I tend to try the BBC and then if all else fails a general Google on the subject usual puts the subject straight in my head.</p> <p>Lots of reading later, I came across a blog called Peacepalestine which then sparked a bit of a 'chat' with Mr Not about politics! </p> <p>Suffice to say that his opinions differed from mine slightly! Dismissive of the whole situation <img src="/img/smilies/icon_lalala.gif" alt=":lalala:" class="middle" border="0"> was an understatement with a dash of "what do you expect me to do about it" thrown in for good measure!</p> <p>Grr Grr Boil, boil, spit <img src="/img/smilies/grayupset.gif" alt=":##" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Maybe if all the Mr Nots in this World got together and thought they <em>could</em> make a difference, they would be able to improve the World just a jot (or, on second thoughts, maybe things would be a whole lot worse <img src="/img/smilies/icon_confused.gif" alt=":-/" class="middle" border="0">)</p> <p>Finally, to change tack completely, we all sat down as a family tonight (a rare occurence) to watch the TV1 tribute to Sir Edmund Hillary which was inspiring to say the least. What a determined bloke and I didn't realise that he had been so personally involved in setting up schools, hospitals etc in Nepal as a result of his experiences.</p> <p>So that's my day dayed and now I am off to my comfy old, safe old bed. Nighty morning <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/22/marital_bliss_vv_peace_in_palestine~3614104/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-20:/2008/01/20/monday_21st_january_at_8_20am_specially_~3606458/Not-Herneschase2008-01-20T20:33:01+01:002008-01-20T20:33:01+01:00 <p>Oh Usky all this Interesting Title stuff is playing havoc with my creative juices <img src="/img/smilies/icon_neutral.gif" alt=":|" class="middle" border="0"> And that Archivist is eating all the jaffacakes I have specially imported from the Mothercountry <img src="/img/smilies/graysmilewinkgrin.gif" alt=";D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>In a desperate attempt to make my K2-sized ironing pile more palatable, I decided to watch the Documentary Channel yesterday afternoon. Ironic really as I had spent most of the previous evening lecturing the kids on why they shouldn't turn on the TV willy-nilly during the day <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wth.gif" alt="|-|" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Low and behold, a docco (see I <em>can</em> speak Kiwiese!) on the McLibel Two (Helen Steel and David Morris) who spent years battling with Maccy Ds and, then more years taking on the British Government in Strasbourg over the British Libel laws. It was absolutely fascinating and inspiring to boot. Made me wish I had entered that Kiwi TV promotion to name their new burger after all. Really not sure they would have gone for that Sh** burger thing though. Perhaps Nots not ready to take on the World just yet <img src="/img/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" alt=":crazy:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Any road up. Today I have decided that I need to take up some sort of study. Not “Mosaics” or “Flower Arranging for the Blue-rinsed Citizen” but something vaguely academic. Not sure what though. Rather drawn to History, but not Kiwi History so that idea’s not going to work. Always wanted to do an Anthropology Degree (not sure the local school do night-classes in amateur Anthropology!). Then there is always Ingerlish. Humpf <img src="/img/smilies/graysigh.gif" alt=":**:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Do you think this is the makings of a mid-life crisis? I thought I had passed mid-life long ago. Perhaps I am destined to live longer than I thought. If this is my mid life then I am due to live ‘til I’m 90. How will I celebrate my 90th birthday. Should I book a hall now? What about the catering? </p> <p>Aw forget it. Back to the cows <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>PS rain, rain we have RAIN. Proper rain that has gone on all night and made the whole place misty and invisible ...dances off delighted into the sunrise <img src="/img/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" alt=":crazy:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/20/monday_21st_january_at_8_20am_specially_~3606458/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-20:/2008/01/20/monday_21st_january_at_8_20am_specially_~3606428/Not-Herneschase2008-01-20T20:27:46+01:002008-01-20T20:27:46+01:00 <p>Oh Usky all this Interesting Title stuff is playing havoc with my creative juices <img src="/img/smilies/icon_neutral.gif" alt=":|" class="middle" border="0"> And that Archivist is eating all the jaffacakes I have specially imported from the Mothercountry <img src="/img/smilies/graysmilewinkgrin.gif" alt=";D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>In a desperate attempt to make my K2-sized ironing pile more palatable, I decided to watch the Documentary Channel yesterday afternoon. Ironic really as I had spent most of the previous evening lecturing the kids on why they shouldn't turn on the TV willy-nilly during the day <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wth.gif" alt="|-|" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Low and behold, a docco (see I <em>can</em> speak Kiwiese!) on the McLibel Two (Helen Steel and David Morris) who spent years battling with Maccy Ds and, then more years taking on the British Government in Strasbourg over the British Libel laws. It was absolutely fascinating and inspiring to boot. Made me wish I had entered that Kiwi TV promotion to name their new burger after all. Really not sure they would have gone for that Sh** burger thing though. Perhaps Nots not ready to take on the World just yet <img src="/img/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" alt=":crazy:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Any road up. Today I have decided that I need to take up some sort of study. Not “Mosaics” or “Flower Arranging for the Blue-rinsed Citizen” but something vaguely academic. Not sure what though. Rather drawn to History, but not Kiwi History so that idea’s not going to work. Always wanted to do an Anthropology Degree (not sure the local school do night-classes in amateur Anthropology!). Then there is always Ingerlish. Humpf <img src="/img/smilies/graysigh.gif" alt=":**:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Do you think this is the makings of a mid-life crisis? I thought I had passed mid-life long ago. Perhaps I am destined to live longer than I thought. If this is my mid life then I am due to live ‘til I’m 90. How will I celebrate my 90th birthday. Should I book a hall now? What about the catering? </p> <p>Aw forget it. Back to the cows <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>PS rain, rain we have RAIN. Proper rain that has gone on all night and made the whole place misty and invisible ...dances off delighted into the sunrise <img src="/img/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" alt=":crazy:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/20/monday_21st_january_at_8_20am_specially_~3606428/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-20:/2008/01/20/sunday_20th_january_at_22_47pm_my_specia~3603911/Not-Herneschase2008-01-20T11:11:45+01:002008-01-20T11:15:17+01:00 <p>Now that I have provided Usky with the original and inspired title he requested, here is a scintillating account of my day. You know you're interested <img src="/img/smilies/grayno.gif" alt=":no:" class="middle" border="0"><br> You are <img src="/img/smilies/grayconfused.gif" alt=":??:" class="middle" border="0"><br> Go on you are <img src="/img/smilies/icon_yawn.gif" alt=":yawn:" class="middle" border="0"><br> OK you're not <img src="/img/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif" alt=":roll:" class="middle" border="0"> That's a coincidence cos I'm Not too <img src="/img/smilies/graysmilewinkgrin.gif" alt=";D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>5.30am awoke to sound of daughter's alarm. </p> <p>5.35 She ignored it. </p> <p>5.40 I got up and turned it off.</p> <p>5.41 - 7.10 time unaccounted for due to semi-comatosed state</p> <p>7.10 made sludgy coffee in expresso machine cos forgot to insert rubber seal</p> <p>7.15am staggered down to farm, sludgy coffee in hand to catch unruly calves </p> <p>8.45 gave up trying to train heifers to be ruly (which one can only assume is the opposite of unruly <img src="/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif" alt=":p" class="middle" border="0">)</p> <p>9am cooked breakfast - how else are we going to get rid of 56 eggs a week?</p> <p>9.15 - 10am was bombarded with rude comments from family about repeated eggy breakfasts</p> <p>10.01am Children invited troop of friends over to see new calves</p> <p>12.30 got rid of all the kids (including mine own) and attacked the ironing</p> <p>4 - 4.59pm lost the will to live having buried myself in non-wrinkly clothing and then hid (you know, like Anne Frank) to write some emails</p> <p>5pm Discovered by Mr Not who immediately recognised that I was not Anne Frank and asked me to move some cattle</p> <p>5.01 - 6.05pm Collected children and made tea</p> <p>6.06pm It rained for the first time since before New Year</p> <p>6.08pm Stopped raining</p> <p>6.09 - 6.59pm Scavenged around for something edible to cook on a barbecue</p> <p>7pm ate revolting barbecue and decided I hated white bread</p> <p>7.20pm to 8.29 pm contemplated doing more ironing and decided that talking to children was far more entertaining.</p> <p>8.30pm finally wrestled two children to bed</p> <p>8.31 to 9pm Tried to mend elder daughters iPod which has been killed by younger daughter amidst much acrimony and screaming</p> <p>9.01pm - 9.29pm Compressed things and added things to eldest daughters computer in an attempt to revive said iPod.</p> <p>9.30pm sat down in front of another computer to do bloggity things</p> <p>11.12pm Bed. Nighty morning <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/20/sunday_20th_january_at_22_47pm_my_specia~3603911/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-20:/2008/01/20/why_moos~3603202/Not-Herneschase2008-01-20T03:44:37+01:002008-01-20T03:44:37+01:00 <p>When we first arrived in Kiwiland, we travelled around in a campervan for 4 weeks. It was then that our fate was sealed by Mog.</p> <p>We were on the Ferry from Picton (S.Island) to Wellington when Mog spotted a cattle truck piled high with white-faced moos. She asked where they were going and Mr Not (not being particularly good at child psychology) told her that they were off to be slaughtered at, what is known over here as "the works". Cue half and hour of sobbing from Mog<br> <img src="/img/smilies/icon_cry.gif" alt=":'(" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>To pacify her Mr Not agreed that she could have a house cow when we bought a few acres. Yes, it could be called Wellington (Mog failed to see the irony of a beef cow called Wellington") and it could be a Dexter (her favourite cow - small cute and black!) </p> <p>We never gave it another thought but Mog did... Two years' later, having spent ages acquiring title for the land, she collared a local Dexter breeder at an agricultural show and then proceeded to stalk her at every Ag' show that Season. When we first setting up a herd Mog insisted we phone this lady (whose number she had saved!) and talk about buying 'a couple' of Dexters. So, last July we took delivery of Faithful and Elegant (<img src="/img/smilies/graylaugh.gif" alt=":))" class="middle" border="0"> pre-named!!) pregnant Dexter heifers.</p> <p>Cos they are a rare breed here, Dexters are quite expensive so we make our money on White-Faces (ie Hereford X) and Angus X stock and use the proceeds to build up the Dexter herd which now consists of Daisy, her baby 'Alfie' (stud name Garnet), Elegant, Faithful, Grace and Geneva. By July when Ellie and Faith calf we should have 8 in Mog's herd! By crikey she is determined <img src="/img/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif" alt=":roll:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>I was a rabid veggie for 20 years (ironically, red meat doubles me up with abdominal cramps) but living in New Zealand makes vegetarianism pretty difficult so I have made a concession to eat fish and chicken now.) Breeding cows for the table is not really my thing. Luckily we don't have the space to keep them until death do us part so I can put the gory bit to the back of my mind, look after them as pets and sell them on to nice friendly farmers who will give them a happy and healthy final year <img src="/img/smilies/grayyes.gif" alt=":yes:" class="middle" border="0"> <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"> The Dexters are a long-term investment and will be sold on to other owners of small-holdings to breed and home-kill for the freezer as they think fit. They tell me that this is the way in which the breed will continue.</p> <p>In the meantime, Mog set her alarm for 5.30 this morning so that she could go down to the shed in the cool and halter-train, groom and cuddle the two new girls in preparation for next week's breed show. It is a pretty tall order considering the girls were only weaned last week and are new to being handled. The calves were given to her with showing in mind and she plans to troll around the country (with us in tow!) making her girls look pretty and promoting the breed.<br> I can just imagine her in 20 years time - The Barbara Woodhouse of the bovine world <img src="/img/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" alt=":crazy:" class="middle" border="0"> The other two children really don't get her but nod sagely and indulge their sister <img src="/img/smilies/grayrazz.gif" alt=":b" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Well that is the story of how a couple of poms were forced into playing farmers! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/20/why_moos~3603202/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-19:/2008/01/19/never_looik_a_gift_cow~3599805/Not-Herneschase2008-01-19T11:40:08+01:002008-01-19T11:40:08+01:00 <p>Today started off pretty badly. It annoyed me that the Kiwi press appeared to be covering up the murder of Karen Airns - she got about 4th place on National Radio this morning after George Bush's tax cuts and some other inconsequential rubbish. The big problem seems to be that her horrific murder happened on the eve of the A1 Grand Prix motor-racing event, which is expected to attract 40,000 visitors and will be broadcast to more than 150 countries. Shock horror! To think that she might reduce the tourist statistics.<br> It seems that only the murder of overseas tourists get any real press. The other murders and beatings etc this week are just a part of every day life. </p> <p>I am sure the two couples attacked with baseball bats on the North Shore of Auckland on Monday and hospitalised, will be relieved that they have not interrupted any major tourist events. <img src="/img/smilies/grayupset.gif" alt=":##" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Anyway, stepping off my battered old soap-box, I should really say that the day improved in leaps and bounds as it progressed. Mog had been promised a calf by a friend - for no reason other than she was Mog and is so terribly motivated and in love with beef farming.<br> It was a wonderful treat and Mog intends to show said calf at all the Agricultural and Pastoral (A&P) shows in the vicinity. </p> <p>We were due to borrow a second calf to keep her company so we could halter train them together but as we signed all the TB transfer documents etc today, our friend said "well you had better keep the other one too". We were flabbergasted as this increases our Dexter herd to 7 with two calves on the way in June.</p> <p>So tonight we have two more newly-weaned Dexter heifer calves sitting in our yard. They are bellowing for their Mums as if their hearts will break but are otherwise well catered for and unaware of the pestering Mog has in store for them this week in her attempt to halter train them.</p> <p>I am dreading the weaning of our Alfie who is so addicted to his Mum's milk that he has a constant milky moustache! Typical male! I think that we may have to wait until his Mummy Daisy is shipped off to see the Bull in a month or so or the will be breaking fences to maintain their bond.</p> <p>See days are never ALL bad (for me anyway) </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/19/never_looik_a_gift_cow~3599805/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-19:/2008/01/19/oops_another_gaff~3598832/Not-Herneschase2008-01-19T01:26:18+01:002008-01-19T01:26:18+01:00 <p>Oops, how careless. Now the MoD have lost their laptop. You know, the one with the details of 600,000 recruits or potential recruits to the Navy, Marines or RAF. This time only their passport and NI numbers have gone astray ... oh yeah and their bank details. </p> <p>That's 25 million PLUS 600,000 ... now I never was any good at maths<br> <img src="/img/smilies/icon_confused.gif" alt=":-/" class="middle" border="0"> Perhaps we should all be bound by the Official Secrets Act just in case we find something we shouldn't.</p> <p>Being a bit of a Luddite, I am starting to think that filing cabinets and locked doors with keys were a very good idea </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/19/oops_another_gaff~3598832/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-18:/2008/01/18/antedote_to_the_grumps~3598255/Not-Herneschase2008-01-18T22:44:22+01:002008-01-18T22:44:22+01:00 <p>I had found myself becoming increasingly grumpy this morning. The sort of irrational grump that exacerbates :<tt> and exacerbates :</tt> until you feel you are going to blow. Then came the antedote. Thank goodness for children <img src="/img/smilies/grayyes.gif" alt=":yes:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>LC arrived in my bedroom as I was getting dressed and announced that she was worried. I adopted my concerned face and asked her what the problem was.</p> <p>"I think Mog's Tamagotchi is becoming incontinent" she said peering intently at a small green ovoid piece of plastic that was dangling from her neck by a tape. "I have cleared up it's poo 3 times and it is still there". <img src="/img/smilies/icon_neutral.gif" alt=":|" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p>10 minutes later Mog arrives. </p> <p>"You know that sunscreen in the bathroom"<br> "Yup"<br> "It says it's anti-aging"<br> "Yup"<br> "Does that mean that you still get the presents but you don't look any older?"<br> <img src="/img/smilies/icon_neutral.gif" alt=":|" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>The grump is easing ... just slightly. Another gem from JT and it will be cured <img src="/img/smilies/grayyes.gif" alt=":yes:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/18/antedote_to_the_grumps~3598255/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-18:/2008/01/18/backpackers_tourists_beware~3597432/Not-Herneschase2008-01-18T19:46:50+01:002008-01-18T19:47:43+01:00 <p><a href="http://www.nzherald.co.nz/category/story.cfm?c_id=30&objectid=10487281&ref=rss">http://www.nzherald.co.nz/category/story.cfm?c_id=30&objectid=10487281&ref=rss</a></p> <p>Another poor backpacker seems to have fallen into the trap of believing that New Zealand is a crime-free country where she can drop her guard. </p> <p>A 26 year old lass has now been brutally attacked, raped and killed in Taupo. Another backpacker and by the sound of it and, seemingly, another either gang- or a "P" fuelled attack.</p> <p>In 2005 Birgit Brauer, a German backpacker was picked up I believe hitch-hiking, beaten, stabbed and murdered in the New Plymouth area by a Methamphetamine addict with 65 previous convictions which included abduction and rape ten years' earlier.</p> <p>Since I have lived in NZ we have seen tourists attacked in their campervans, killed on roads by (to use the vernacular) young "hoons" in cars, tourists robbed and verbally abused in public places </p> <p>I think I have blogged before about the state of the drinking culture over here appears to be 'get it down your neck before it runs out' and "P" has become a reluctantly accepted part of the country's culture. This, together with the burgeoning gang culture and the fact that kids can learn to drive at 15, means that there are 4-wheeled time bombs on our roads from about midday every day.</p> <p>I have always been a confident driver and have historically enjoyed walking about the grottier areas of towns and cities to satisfy the amateur anthropologist in me. Here though, I might say, I am not confident about either pastime. New Zealand is the only place in the World that I have felt threatened walking through a shopping centre (in Northland) in broad daylight with my children. </p> <p>Yes, New Zealand is beautiful, yes it a 'must' for all kids on their travels but please, please if you know of anyone (especially a female) visiting New Zealand warn them that the crime-free image is a thing of the past. Don't accept drinks from strangers or leave your drink unattended. Don't hitch lifts. Don't park your campervan unless it is in a recognised site or a built-up area. Don't leave your belongings in vehicles. Just behave as you would in London, Manchester Liverpool etc., Keep yourselves safe.</p> <p>It is a poor country with its problems and bearing in mind the size of the population, it is every bit as troubled by crime as any other country. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/18/backpackers_tourists_beware~3597432/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-18:/2008/01/18/holy_water~3593802/Not-Herneschase2008-01-18T02:28:50+01:002008-01-18T02:28:50+01:00 <p>I need advice please!</p> <p>Those of you who have seen my various bloggity incarnations over the past year will know that I am interested in, but not particularly committed to, religion per se. </p> <p>I was brought up CofV ("Church of Village" the religion where everyone wonders what hat Mrs so-and-so is wearing and meditates whilst guzzling communion wine, on whether their Sunday roast is incinerating in the oven at home). </p> <p>I discovered Buddhism in the 80s and read and read about that for a while. In the 90s married a lapsed Catholic with a very committed Mother and Father who naturally wanted their son married a Catholic (<img src="/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" class="middle" border="0">) and their grandchildren baptised Catholic too (double <img src="/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" class="middle" border="0">) </p> <p>Then came lots of reading about Paganism - which was more natural to me as my rural up-bringing had meant that my life was very closely bound to the Seasons and to my history. More recently I have been fascinated by Islam and have launched myself into a pocket home-structured course on Islamic studies just because. </p> <p>So, when Mr Not's parents came to visit us in 2006 I thought I would work with them on the religion thing. We all marched off to Mass on Sundays (some of us more willingly than others) and on the last weekend of their trip, Mog, always keen to indulge her Grandma, brought back a little plastic squeezy bottle of "Holy Water" which I have just re-discovered on a bookshelf in the kitchen! </p> <p>So here are my questions:</p> <p><strong>Question 1:</strong> What does Holy Water Do?<br> <strong>Question 2:</strong> Where should it be sprinkled?<br> <strong>Question 3: </strong> Does it have a "use by" date? This was blessed in October 2006<br> <strong>Question 4:</strong> Can it be sprinkled by a heathen like me?</p> <p>Tell you what though this religion thingy seems to be helping Grandma in her battle against the evil "C" Seemingly faith is thing not to be sniffed at. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/18/holy_water~3593802/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-17:/2008/01/17/yuk~3592482/Not-Herneschase2008-01-17T20:21:57+01:002008-01-17T20:21:57+01:00 <p>We've had horrid news from the Mothercountry. Grandma's cancer is spreading rapidly and with a terrible finality that is now necessitating mutterings of Morphine pumps and spinal cord involvement.<br> Grandma continues to be totally aware of everything that is going on and very much in control, despite being weak and resorting to a wheelchair nowadays. </p> <p>Mr Not and I were discussing whether it was better to be like this or, more akin to his Dad who was too world-weary and weak and to care. What must be scary for Grandma is that she has witnessed all this first hand with her husband less than 12 months previously and, having the same diagnosis, all the same symptoms are recurring.</p> <p>The grumpiness levels in Mr Not have increased two-fold in 24 hours. Isn't it funny how people react to emotion in different ways? I almost wish he would pace the house weeping, wailing and ringing his hands. I'm not good at 'sad' either and remember that my response to my parents' deaths was to bottle it all up and throw myself into life in a very (almost overly) business-like manner. There's nowt so queer as folkies.</p> <p>Now the big debate: Go home now and see her for one last time (and risk upsetting the children who remember her as a relatively fit and healthy person) or wait until the inevitable happens. I would prefer the former but Mr Not the latter. I'm not a funeral person and think she would derive much more from seeing everyone for a flying-visit than from knowing we are scavenging the charity shops of NZ hunting for black clothing. Watch this space <img src="/img/smilies/graydead.gif" alt="XX(" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/17/yuk~3592482/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-17:/2008/01/17/davidjohn_s_portrait_competition~3590476/Not-Herneschase2008-01-17T13:14:39+01:002008-01-17T13:14:39+01:00 <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/media/photo/belly_dancing_in_bucks/2282640" title="Belly Dancing in Bucks"><img src="http://data3.blog.de/media/640/2282640_2f6afea355_s.jpg" alt="Belly Dancing in Bucks" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a></p> <p>I am afraid that this is probably too big a file to permit me entry into Davidjohn's Portrait Competition but I hope nobody (least of all the subject) minds me blogging her anyway. </p> <p>She was part (in fact I think the teacher) of a Belly Dancing Group who gave a couple of demonstrations at 'things' I went to in or around 2001 or 2002. My husband also has a screen saver photo of her daughter who is just stunning in greens and purples. She has such a peaceful face and I love the golds and reds that surround her. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/17/davidjohn_s_portrait_competition~3590476/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-17:/2008/01/17/my_bookshop~3589026/Not-Herneschase2008-01-17T05:31:45+01:002008-01-17T05:31:45+01:00 <p>Yesterday I had a phonecall from my local bookshop to say that a book I have had on order since September has finally come in (political books have to be shipped in from London 'specially apparently!</p> <p>Anyway, I answered my little mobile amidst lots of crackling because we were 15 minutes north of Auckland and had lost signal already. The caller at the other end was rolling about in hysterics and screaching "I must get everyone to ring you. It's the funniest thing I have ever heard" Crackle... crackle... complete loss of signal <img src="/img/smilies/graysigh.gif" alt=":**:" class="middle" border="0"> Who she? <img src="/img/smilies/icon_eek.gif" alt="8|" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>So about 2 hours later another phonecall - it was the lady who runs the bookshop (she has a very distinctive deep, sultry voice so it is easy to recognise). "Where did you get it?" she hooted.<br> "Get what?"<br> "The ring one"... and then it dawned on me. </p> <p>The kids and I had been playing around with the mobile the other day and had bought a ring tone. When anyone phones my mobile a very plummy English Gent in the background asks if they are phoning me..(by name) He then continues to question "very popular? Popular with the boys? Gets lots of hits on Myspace? Blogging? Likes Blogging?" (well it seemed appropriate <img src="/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif" alt=":p" class="middle" border="0"> )</p> <p>The entire bookshop was in an uproar. They all want one and had to phone to listen to it. I am glad I made somebody happy <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/17/my_bookshop~3589026/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-17:/2008/01/17/the_world_turned_upsdie_down~3589005/Not-Herneschase2008-01-17T05:07:31+01:002008-01-17T05:10:26+01:00 <p>Been there, done that. Found decent Pale Ale, drank it in copious amounts. Listened to The Braggster, completely wound my 13 year old daughter into an "I must go home NOW" frenzy. Had a nice chat with a Weymouth supporter and his wife who had been here for 13 years. Put up with loads of apolitical Kiwis simpering around Bill like he was bloomin' Britney Spears <img src="/img/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" alt=":crazy:" class="middle" border="0"> I am so used to seeing him at gigs where he just sits down with a pint afterwards and chats that the simpering Pop-star crap rankled quite a bit. One woman behind us who announed that she thought he was too pissed to come on stage and that her 10 year old wanted to sing with him on stage. WHAT <img src="/img/smilies/icon_eek.gif" alt="8|" class="middle" border="0">? The poor bloke had just endured a 36 hour flight and a day in Auckland before trying to execute all the old stuff for a completely apolitical Kiwi crowd in ridiculous lighting with the most abysmal accoustics I have ever heard outside the 80s college disco. Luckily he opened with a lovely rendition of "Diggers All" English political history which zoomed right over the Kiwi mullets and played some lovely stuff from the soon-to-be album.</p> <p>So, as a result of this gig, we discovered a lovely little seaside resort with excellent snorkling about an hour North of Auckland. They had experienced a shark attack the previous day which had made all the papers and completely put LC off her planned swim! </p> <p>On the way home we spent the morning in K-Road (the old red light district of Auckland which has now become a passable charity shop mecca and mini-chinatown. LC went bonkers. $5 retro' clothes, and all the sort of thing her Dad would hate her to wear! Perfect! She has even chosen a totally unsuitable red strapless pencil dress to wear with New Rock Boots and fishnet tights to her (as yet alive and kicking) Grandma's funeral! Surprisingly, Mr Not said that if she swopped the fishnets for opaque black tights and she wore a jacket over it, he might allow it! </p> <p>On that very subject, Grandma seems to have taken a turn for the worse. She's currently in a hospice having her pain controlled. She is a real inspiration as she is being so brave and stoical. </p> <p>It couldn't be at a worse time regarding morale as both LC and I are ready to jump ship and hide out forever in the Mother-Country for a little bit of civilisation - decent books, decent music and intelligent conversation. I think, if Mr Not is honest he wouldn't take much pursuading either as he misses the professionalism and motivation that he had in his job back home. He would never admit it though as this would mean a dramatic loss of face with his mates.</p> <p>Well today it was back to earth with a bump. A 7.30am call from the Hay Man that he would be delivering 150 bales this afternoon. I think he plans to spin it into gold à la Rumplestilzkin as the price has risen by $3.50 this year (or is it that "Stupid Pom" tattoo on my forehead again!) The tractor man also rang to say that he would be servicing the tractor at the same time. He is a lovely Icelandic immigrant of about my age who is really refreshing to talk to, so I never object to him visiting. Then LC announced that two children were coming to stay for two days. All calm at the Not abode then <img src="/img/smilies/graydead.gif" alt="XX(" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>I have tried to upload LC's bootleg video of Mr Bragg singing but I am too IT-challenged to cope. Never mind, the thought was there Here are some of her photies that looked great on our computer but look exceedingly crap when blogged!!</p> <p>Nighty morning <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"><br> <a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/media/photo/blurry_bragg/2282169" title="Blurry Bragg"><img src="http://data3.blog.de/media/169/2282169_cfed3a0ea8_s.jpg" alt="Blurry Bragg" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/media/photo/the_invisible_bragg/2282170" title="The Invisible Bragg"><img src="http://data3.blog.de/media/170/2282170_1685f3a2ae_s.jpg" alt="The Invisible Bragg" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/media/photo/bragg_shady/2282171" title="Bragg Shady"><img src="http://data3.blog.de/media/171/2282171_0fbd380e2e_s.jpg" alt="Bragg Shady" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/17/the_world_turned_upsdie_down~3589005/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-14:/2008/01/14/george_moves_onwards~3576381/Not-Herneschase2008-01-14T18:51:19+01:002008-01-14T18:51:19+01:00 <p>Are here we are at last. This must be Sauda Arabia <img src="/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif" alt=":p" class="middle" border="0"><br> “Hey You!” “Yeah, You with the Tea Towel. Do you know where I can find the King Abdullah?” </p> <p>“No, I’m not selling Tupperware. Laura deals with that side of things on these trips. No, these here are military weapons.<br> Yeah the best in the business and very good value for money <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0">”</p> <p>“Ah hello King Abdullah <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"> Nice to see you again. I promised to drop in so that you could be part of my tour promoting, democracy and peace in the Middle East. That’s it, peace <img src="/img/smilies/icon_confused.gif" alt=":-/" class="middle" border="0">” </p> <p>Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look between you and me I really have had enough of that namby-pamby peace crap. Perhaps you would like to take a look in this big case. These are what we in the United Snakes call hardware… <em>military hardware</em>". </p> <p>"Now I think it would be sensible to broker a similar sort of deal to those we have made in the past with your neighbouring countries<img src="/img/smilies/icon_twisted.gif" alt=":>" class="middle" border="0">. As far as I can remember, the system works like this:<br> I sell you these nice shiny weapons and then in, let’s say 10 to 20 years’ time, one of my successors will accuse you of warmongering and harbouring lethal weapons, The US will invade your country and bomb the hell out of your innocent citizens? Perfect! Now look at this lovely green one it has an orange button here…..”</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/14/george_moves_onwards~3576381/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-14:/2008/01/14/anyone_want_to_borrow_my_anorak~3573400/Not-Herneschase2008-01-14T07:13:19+01:002008-01-14T07:13:19+01:00 <p>Today I trolled off to the Library, intent on doing some poor impoverished musicians out of a decent sized royalty. I quite quickly decided that our library CD collection is either seriously, seriously, crap or the Kiwis have a dodgy taste in music… until<img src="/img/smilies/icon_idea.gif" alt=":idea:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>I discovered an Asian Dub Foundation compilation album of Sinead O’Connor singing with the likes of Terry Hall, Massive Attack, Pete Gabriel, Jah Wobblyman etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. </p> <p>Then, I found the CD of a band of whom I had never heard (yes me <img src="/img/smilies/grayyes.gif" alt=":yes:" class="middle" border="0"> truly, I'd never heard of them <img src="/img/smilies/grayno.gif" alt=":no:" class="middle" border="0"> They were called 'Nouvelle Vague'. and for $2.00 a CD I decided to wing it ‘cos it contained a cover version of 'Love Will Tear Us Apart'. </p> <p>One of my unofficial hobbies, over the years, has become the collection of cover versions of Johnny Be Good - you’d be surprised (and probably disinterested <img src="/img/smilies/icon_yawn.gif" alt=":yawn:" class="middle" border="0">) at how many there are. Recently I have progressed to Love Will Tear Us Apart covers. This is all the fault of Yat-Kha a Tuvan group who released a brilliant album of Tuvan throat music cover versions of various toons.</p> <p>Well 'Nouvelle Vague' have produced the French equivalent of Yat-Kha’s Albert Kuvezin . A wistful female vocalist called Camille (<img src="/img/smilies/grayconfused.gif" alt=":??:" class="middle" border="0">) executes the covers in the style of Inspector Clouseau sings Elevator Musak. It is fantastic. It’s all going on the i-Pod!</p> <p>Anorak off now, it is getting a bit hot in here <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/14/anyone_want_to_borrow_my_anorak~3573400/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-13:/2008/01/13/title~3569736/Not-Herneschase2008-01-13T12:49:08+01:002008-01-13T12:50:12+01:00 <p>I know I have been a bit prolific today but I found this as I was tidying up this evening and wanted to blog it now before I lose confidence.</p> <p>It is just a little overdue for his 45th birthday, but I wrote this for a good friend who died of a heart attack on his 21st birthday a few moons ago.</p> <p><strong>The Irishman</strong></p> <p>You would never have made old bones<br> Whatever took you away from us knew that.<br> Your eyes weren't meant to sparkle from beneath that mop of dark hair<br> Now your words mock my naivety for eternity.</p> <p>You haunt my very being<br> Every empty moment is filled with thoughts of our past</p> <p>Would our friendship have survived had you lived?<br> Maybe, like most kids, our destinies would have taken separate paths<br> Death was nature’s way of making you mine forever, but without the heartache.</p> <p>You schemed to make me everyone’s destiny except your own.<br> You gave your blessing to every childish infatuation, but I wanted you.</p> <p>My imagination now glorifies our time together<br> My heart craves a perfection that didn’t exist.<br> I remember every mannerism, every expression<br> But never the bad bits!</p> <p>You haunt my very being.<br> Every empty moment is filled with thoughts of your past.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/13/title~3569736/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-13:/2008/01/13/city_of_culture~3569554/Not-Herneschase2008-01-13T12:11:24+01:002008-01-13T12:11:24+01:00 <p>So why choose Liverpool? It is obvious to me. It's all explained in the lyrics of that Beatles hit:<br> <em>"Penicillin is in my ears and in my eyes"</em><br> Any City with a Penicil Lane would naturally become "The City of Cultures" at some stage.</p> <p>Forget Ringo Starr, Let's hope Pete Wylie, The Mighty Wah, sang Heart as Big as Liverpool at the opening. Not a dry eye in the house <img src="/img/smilies/icon_cry.gif" alt=":'(" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/13/city_of_culture~3569554/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-13:/2008/01/13/my_name_s_george_and_all_i_want_for_chri~3569262/Not-Herneschase2008-01-13T11:01:10+01:002008-01-13T11:01:10+01:00 <p>Hi <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"> my name is George Bush and I am planning a trip to the Middle East to talk about Democracy and some peace process or other. Now where should I ask the pilot to land? Maybe I could speak to Hamas in Palestine? They’re a democratically elected political party. <img src="/img/smilies/grayno.gif" alt=":no:" class="middle" border="0"> Silly idea. What about The Lebanon? I know they have their little problems but their government was elected democratically too. <img src="/img/smilies/grayno.gif" alt=":no:" class="middle" border="0"> too risky!</p> <p>I know, The United Arab Emirates – it epitomises all that makes Democracy great in America. The majority of decisions are made from the top by a Royal Families whose right to rule was not in the slightest bit democratically agreed. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":>>" class="middle" border="0"> Perfect! (note to self: must pay a flying visit Florida again before I am booted out of office)</p> <p>I wonder if I should pop in to see our lads in Iraq at some stage? Just to show them my appreciation <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0">. That would just be <img src="/img/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" alt=":crazy:" class="middle" border="0"> aren’t there bombs and nasty bangy things in Iraq? I’ll ask them to make a short stop-over in Kuwait where I can have my photo taken with some nice clean men in uniform. Nobody will notice the difference .</p> <p>Now I have a few moments on this airplane. Must make a “To Do” list. Can anyone here write? </p> <p>1. Visit Israel for the first time in 8 years and solve Palestinian land issue before I am booted out of office. Who needs the Jewish vote now anyway?</p> <p>2. Try and persuade my Intelligence guys that they were wrong about Iran closing down nuclear weapons production four years’ ago so that we can bomb another country citing as our motives WMD before I am booted out of office.</p> <p>Oh yeah and finally:<br> 3. Create World peace before I am booted out of office.</p> <p>Should get that tied up in a week or so. <img src="/img/smilies/graysleep.gif" alt=":zz:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/13/my_name_s_george_and_all_i_want_for_chri~3569262/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:not-herneschase.blog.co.uk,2008-01-13:/2008/01/13/tweak_tweak_my_lovely~3568829/Not-Herneschase2008-01-13T07:30:09+01:002008-01-13T07:30:09+01:00 <p>So it seems that there has been a touch of Devils and Idle Hands syndrome at BCUK again. The layout has been tweaked once more. Obviously a dull Saturday evening in Chateau Bloggy</p> <p>Today I have been mostly filling in 'oles with subsoil which reminded me of Bernard Cribbins and led me to sing the "Hole In The Ground" song in a sad Mockney accent for the majority of the day. I really think it should be downloaded onto the old I-Pod for just such an occasion. In fact I should download songs to fit every occasion <img src="/img/smilies/icon_idea.gif" alt=":idea:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p>"Rawhide" to play when moving the cattle<br> "The Eton Boating Song" for harrowing the fields (sorry but the Harrow School song is singularly dull)<br> INXS's "Mystify" for doing the accounts<br> "Shaddupayourface" to be played when I continue to labour a very un-funny point in a blog post </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://not-herneschase.blog.co.uk/2008/01/13/tweak_tweak_my_lovely~3568829/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>